010314nullarsami
12:59 -- aibohphilicGapeseed AG began pestering arcaneArtisan AA at 00:59 -- 12:59 AG: SAMI 12:59 AG: HUMAN SAMI ARE YOU THERE 01:00 AA: Oh....sorry Null. I'm kind of freaking out here. 01:00 AA: Fell asleep. It was a bad idea. 01:00 AA: What's up? 01:00 AG: you're freaking out, too, 01:00 AG: what haPPened to you 01:01 AA: Jack doesn't do things by halves. That's really all there is to say on the matter. 01:02 AG: nobody does things by halves 01:02 AG: and that doesn't sound like it's all there is to say on the matter 01:02 AG: in fact it sounds like there's TONS more to say 01:03 AA: I'm okay. I'll probably be better if I can just put it behind me. What's going on with you? 01:04 AA: Did you say you're freaking out, too? 01:04 -- aibohphilicGapeseed AG is giving you so many suspicious looks, you don't even know. -- 01:05 AG: yeah. everything is awful and 'that's all there is to say on the matter'. 01:05 AA: Aww, don't be like that. If you tell me what you're going through it might help me keep my mind off of what I just went through! 01:06 AG: well 01:06 AG: balish hates himself more than he hates me 01:06 AA: Huh? 01:06 AG: I had really good but really suPer confusing sex with the queen on derse 01:06 AG: and scarlet won't helP me with balish 01:07 AA: Double....no, make that triple huh? 01:07 AG: and libby gets everything and I get nothing and I didn't do anything wrong and I don't understand 01:07 AA: Okay, calm down Null. Take a deep breath. 01:07 AG: okay maybe the black queen thing was wrong but she was very nice, okay, and I've been lonely lately, and... 01:07 AA: Sounds like you're having a pretty rough time of it, but it sounds like you're working yourself into a panic! 01:08 AA: And panicking never helps with these things. 01:08 AG: ): 01:08 AG: and you're not my moirail but he's not here, he's NEVER here. 01:08 AA: Oh, right....I'm probably crossing boundaries or something, aren't I? :( 01:09 AA: I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be insensitive or anything, but you sound like you could really use a shoulder to cry on! 01:09 AA: And I've got a free shoulder, so it just feels cruel not to offer it to you because of some weird cultural thing. :( 01:10 AG: I don't know, Sami. everything's just... awful. 01:10 AG: everything. 01:10 AA: Can I do anything to help without making things even weirder for you? 01:11 AG: Probably not, no. 01:11 AA: :( 01:11 AG: I think things are going to get a lot weirder before they get better, though. 01:11 AG: I guess I'm in sPades with the black queen. the, uh, ruler of derse. the one we were trying to get clemency or w/e from 01:11 AA: Well is there anything I can do to make them at least a BETTER type of weird than they'll be without me? 01:14 AG: I don't know. 01:14 AG: I don't really know anything any more. 01:15 AG: It was confusing enough at first but now nothing makes sense. like, if we can't even draw from our lives before the game as some kind of frame of reference what hoPe is there 01:15 AA: Well hope's supposed to be about a brighter future, rather than about holding on to the past, right? 01:16 AG: so I should just fill my quadrants with twinks and dorsians and forget everyone I used to care about,! 01:17 AA: Well no! Of course not! A bright future has always got to include the people close to you! 01:18 AG: well 01:18 AG: everyone seems to be fine moving on without me so why not 01:18 AA: :( 01:19 AA: Well if it makes you feel any better, I know Balish cares about you. I know it's not the way you want him to, but when I've talked to him in the past he's made it clear that you're really important to him. So I don't think HE'S fine with it. 01:19 AG: for someone who had the most suitors for a while there now I seem to be the furthest from serendiPity 01:19 AA: And I know I miss our time on Derse together. 01:19 AG: well aPParently libby will kill everyone if balish takes me black 01:19 AA: What? That doesn't sound like Libby at all! 01:19 AG: so that meddling bitch fucking strikes again 01:20 AG: that's what scarlet says 01:20 AA: She's always been so nice to me... 01:20 AG: scarlet says libby's unstable and if balish doesn't keeP her in both quadrants she'll kill us all 01:20 AA: ...Null....Scarlet's not quite right in the head. We know that already. 01:20 AG: so even scarlet won't helP me, even though she has jossik now 01:20 AG: everyone gets to be haPPy excePt for me 01:20 AA: :( 01:21 AA: Well what about this Black Queen? Do you not like her enough to be happy with her? 01:21 AA: Or....wait, Spades is the hate one, right? 01:21 AA: I'm sorry, I don't really get how that one works. 01:21 AG: I don't really KNOW her! 01:22 AA: Oh. I see. So it was just a sudden passion thing? 01:22 AG: I mean, she was nice enough, but honestly the way she acted was kinda m-more how I'd... evisioned my, uh, my red quadrants going ): 01:22 AA: Oh. So she was like....lovingly hateful? 01:22 AA: I'm sorry, I'm really out of my depth here on this one. 01:22 AG: like I wasn't in charge at all! she just... I just did everything she told me to )': and I didn't fight back at all and she wasn't tied uP like at ANY Point! 01:23 AG: I've just been so lonely and she, she gave me attention, and... and maybe... maybe I should have thought about it more, ;_; 01:24 AA: Null, you should never be with someone just out of desperation. You don't have to feel like she's the only one who will ever come along--you're good enough to be loved....or I guess hated? Well anyway, you're good enough to deserve happiness. 01:25 AA: Were you unhappy when you were with her? 01:25 AA: Or are you just freaking out about it now because you've thought too much about it? 01:26 AG: I don't know. ): it was nice but I don't really know anything about her! and like I said, she wants me black but I don't even know her enough to hate her and if I did anything like that again, where I just like... listened and took orders, I'd want it to be with someone I was so fucking suPer flushed for! 01:26 AG: maybe this is just....... quadrant vacillation,, 01:26 AG: and maybe I'm thinking about it too much 01:27 AA: Maybe. I don't know how these quadrants work, really, so I couldn't say. 01:27 AG: but shouldn't I think about it a lot, a troll's first time is a big deal! And I don't even know what QUADRANT it was in, really! 01:27 AA: I hate that it's causing you so much stress though. 01:27 AG: no matter what quadrant it was, I feel like I cheated on someone... 01:27 AG: but if it was black, balish doesn't want me anyway, and 01:27 AG: auggghghghgh 01:28 AG: I'm sorry I shouldn't be unloading all of this on you 01:28 AA: I don't think you owe anything to Balish in the black quadrant if he's already turned you down. 01:28 AG: you have your own Problems, from what I can tell, but no one else will listen to me ): 01:28 AA: He had his chance with you. 01:28 AG: Yeah, I guess that's true. 01:28 AA: And don't worry about it. I *like* listening to other people's problems. My own problems seem small after hearing how much you're going through. :) 01:29 AG: I don't suPPose you're willing to tell me what those are after I dumPed all of that on you, huh 01:29 AA: I just don't want to mess you up with your Pale thing. 01:29 AA: ...I guess. There's not a whole lot to tell though. 01:30 AA: When I played that game with Jack after Katie healed me, the deal was that one of us was going to have their dreamself be trapped in a "perfect moment of eternal agony." 01:31 AG: and of course you chose yourself you silly thing 01:31 AA: Well of course. I didn't actually think that was the "game." I figured there had to be a difficult part. 01:32 AG: ehehehehe 01:32 AA: But I guess *this* is the difficult part. 01:32 AA: Still, I'm awake now. So I don't have to worry about it again for like a day. 01:32 AG: ): that 01:32 AG: that sucks sami 01:32 AG: I....... wish you didn't have to go through that >//////< 01:32 AA: Thanks. Me too. 01:33 AA: But it's okay. I'm tough. I can handle it. 01:33 AG: oh you're not tough at all. you're a soft squishy human. PerhaPs I could find your dream self and kill it next time I sleeP, that would helP, right, 01:33 AA: But it does remind me that I still have to come clean to Kate about it. :( I didn't want to tell her because I was afraid she'd blame herself, but Nate pointed out that if I don't tell her she might use her powers again and Jack will mess with someone else! 01:34 AG: I mean you'd be down a life but it sounds like you already are 01:34 AG: hmm well I'm glad I don't have time, then, or I might have been forced to have jack as an enemy 01:34 AA: ...I don't know. I mean....yeah, I guess staying "Dream Alive" sucks when this is what I have to look forward to at night... 01:34 AG: from what I can tell now, you, rilset, and he are my only allies so far 01:34 AA: ...but at the same time I just feel like it would be giving up. Like somehow Jack WINS if I do that. 01:35 AG: well I won't go killing you if you don't give me the okay, I Promise 01:35 AA: Plus, I guess I've got a little ray of hope in the back of my mind that maybe one day Jack will change his mind. Or we can bargain with him to stop it. Or something. 01:35 AA: I don't know. I know the chances of that happening are practically zero. But it's hard to kill hope, y'know? 01:36 AG: hmm. well, he doesn't really change his mind from what I can tell. he is very big on following his self-made rules, and the rules imPosed on him by those stronger 01:36 AA: Stronger? 01:36 AA: There are people stronger than him? 01:36 AG: well I am made of hoPe, har har, and I think killing me wouldn't be too hard just about now 01:36 AG: the maid of hoPe is out of the stuff /: 01:37 AA: I don't think that's true, Null! Do trolls have a "Pandora's Box" story? 01:37 AG: of course there are. I mean, I shouldn't say of course because it wasn't obvious to me at first, but how could a game create someone more Powerful than its most Powerful Part, how can we assume that anyone who beats this game is the most Powerful thing in existence I mean really 01:38 AG: is that 'the one in which this bitch is temPted into unleashing every Plague in existence on the Planet, but at the last second before she can close it out jumPs hate and Pity', 01:38 AA: Hmm. Sounds kind of similar, only in ours the last thing in the box was Hope. 01:38 AG: sounds dumb 01:38 AG: hoPe isn't good for anything 01:39 AG: what does it DO anyway, no one will bother to tell me 01:39 AA: Well, in some versions of the story, they say the reason Hope was in the box was because it was the cruelest evil of all. 01:39 AG: oh...., 01:39 AG: how do you mean 01:39 AA: Because it's hope that makes you yearn for more, y'see. 01:39 AG: so I guess the oPPosite of hoPe would be 01:39 AG: contentedness or something, 01:39 AA: Yeah. Something like that. 01:39 AG: hmm 01:40 AG: well I don't think I can make a very good hoPe Player 01:40 AG: but I've been toying with a lot of Rage lately 01:40 AA: Hope is that drive to keep moving forward and get bigger and better and never be satisfied with how things are now. 01:40 AG: maybe I can be maid of calm instead ehehee 01:40 AG: hoPe sounds a lot like kissmessitude then 01:40 AA: Is that the spades thing? 01:40 AG: yeah 01:41 AA: I guess it kind of is, then! Hope is like being in Spades with the whole Universe. 01:41 AG: ...... ehehehehe 01:41 AA: ...though I don't think you have to actually HATE the Universe. 01:41 AG: EHEHEHE 01:41 AG: that sounds FANTASTIC 01:41 AG: me against EVERYTHING 01:41 AG: SAMI YOU'VE HELPED ME SO MUCH, THANK YOU 01:41 -- aibohphilicGapeseed AG ceased pestering arcaneArtisan AA at 01:41 -- 01:41 AA: I did? 01:41 AG: <> 01:41 -- aibohphilicGapeseed AG ceased pestering arcaneArtisan AA at 01:41 --